Spilled Thoughts

Instead of telling me that I am just overreacting, I wish I can just talk to you about how my anxiety is consuming my thoughts.

Instead of telling me I’m arrogant for suddenly changing my mood, I wish I can just talk about how I suddenly feel so sad and empty.

Instead of calling me an attention seeker, I wish I can just talk about how many times I’ve said I was fine just because I didn’t want to bother someone with my issues.

I just wish I can talk about how exhausted I am from trying to be stronger, just as easy as that.
I just wish I can talk about things with someone;like sometimes I just want to say I’m depressed and lost and want to stop existing. But at the same time, I feel like I’m just an annoyance, a bothersome. I don’t want to be a burden or “toxic person.”

Because some of you, my so-called friends, already made me feel that way. I just wish I can talk about how I do not want to destroy your peace, but I sometimes just severely need someone to talk because I felt like the world is giving up on me already.
It’s just ironic that I have many people I used to call “best friend.” But the saddening truth is,no one is willing to be there. No one is willing to listen to your silent pain, your excruciating sorrow, and scattered thoughts. Because everyone is too busy saving themselves already, I guess.


I just wish… I can only make you understand, and then we can watch the sunset and drink hot chocolate or something.

** https://youtu.be/bg7RjxsghNY

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