I have a dream, a lovely one.
It started on a cold and raining night. No, it was actually a freezing February night but I can’t make myself get out of my car. Something inside my head wants to stay and enjoy the loneliness, with the tingling sounds of each raindrops- as it touches the roof of my car. The loneliness keeps me company, embracing my soul and occupying my mind. I heard my phone beep, and I suddenly saw your name. You message me about the recent story I posted on my instagram which I almost forgot about it. “Where have you been? Did you come off from another planet?” You said. I smiled and think about where I have been these days because I have been not posting and answering any messages and calls lately-but I am just here, didn’t go anywhere. My days were just been rough these past few weeks, depression has been my thing.
As I scroll down to your past messages, I can’t stop to question your intentions. You have been so nice and charming, not going to lie but you made me smile. But I cannot hide the fact that you also scared me. I can’t just trust you completely for these broken heart of mine hasn’t been completely healed, very fragile as it was before. However, a part of my heart begs me to reply on you. A conversation started, you never fail to make one. The rain doesn’t tingles my ears anymore but each time my phone beeps, it does.
Days passed by, my recovering heart gets attached to your vibe. You’re not that hard to get to know. You were kind, funny, and very smart. You make my heartbeats a little faster- than it was few months ago. Time went fast each time I talked to you, even though my guts was telling me something but my heart keeps ignoring it. There was something on you that gives hope to beat again, to love again. It cannot wait to be with you in person, touch your skin, and feel into your soul.
The first night I get to see you, it was different. I felt a strong connection, one that pulls me closer to you- a bond, so real. You look so good on your brunette army hair cut and with your emerald eyes you took my breath away. Your clean but manly scent tickles my nose, your every touch tingles up to my spine. I cling into your warmth presence, suck into your pure soul. Your voice bothers me, it brings butterflies into my stomach. Even your loud and cranky car makes the scene perfect, how can you be that perfect?
I want to believe that everything was perfectly fine. But I am more to believe that perfect isn’t real. For almost a year now, I realized what we had cannot be real. My feelings were strong enough to wake me up and make me realize that you cannot exist. I would love to be with you, treasure you, and live a life with you. However, I can’t have you for now. Believe me, I would love too but you deserve someone not complicated as I am. For now, I”ll keep you as a part of my dream, a very lovely dream.